11 impossible things Prussia isn't allowed to do
by Dukeofnachos
Summary: Or, the one where Spain and France make a list of things that he can't do to stop people from killing him. Contains shipping of the Bad Touch Trio and other yaoi.


11 impossible things Prussia is not allowed to do anymore.

I don't own Hetalia.

So… Bad touch trio… Had to be done, okay? Don't kill me.

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11. **Cause the apocalypse**

To be fair, how was he supposed to know that countries playing superhero at the beach would attract alien ninjas. It even sounds ridiculous when they put it on the list, so France decides it should say "Cause the apocalypse". And really, it just as much America and Italy's fault as it is his. And that one guy. Who was he again? Whatever, it didn't matter. What did matter was that they weren't in charge of either of them. Their responsibility was him. It's a good thing Germany is such a good peace maker, because otherwise the earth would have been vaporized. Apparently their leader would leave earth alone for a Klondike Bar.

10. **Make Mexico laugh at border jokes**

Then again, Mexico may have been laughing at the fact that he was cursing at himself in Spanish was hilarious, especially with his German accent. Whatever it is, it doesn't stop Mexico from hitting him in the face once he catches his breath. When France and Spain help him take care of his broken nose later, he won't tell them what happened, but Mexico will tell them later anyway.

9. **Set Romano up on dates with Germany**

When France sees Germany thanking a certain albino, he decides that said Albino is going to be punished for making Italy and Spain cry. And if said punishment involves a whip and fuzzy handcuffs, that's between the Bad Touch Trio, because Spain isn't going to sit this one out.

8. **Magic**

While they aren't sure exactly what he did, or how he stole Britain's wand in the first place, they _do _know that he's going to put _everything_ back to _exactly_ the way he found it. No more talking trees calling themselves Carl, no more lavender tangerines, make everyone their right gender, yes, even Poland, and dammit, turn whatever that Lady Gaga thing was back to whatever the hell it used to be. When Prussia protests that he didn't know that he wasn't allowed to do that, Spain and France decide to make him a list.

7. **Dance on Rainbows**

If you asked Spain, they should have never left Prussia with Netherlands in the first place. The man was just a bad influence. Now the albino was high off his ass and dancing on skittles that he'd scattered on the floor. Still, it was an amusing sight, and France got it on camera, so they wouldn't tell Germany.

6. **Look sexy in lederhosen**

Truthfully, there isn't anything inherently bad about this. It's usually just hard to do it without being comical. But when the looking sexy part involves him molesting Germany (not that they don't encourage that) without their permission, and making Germany flip him over a table and nearly accidently hit Liechtenstein. But he does get up and apologize to her for Germany being such a meanie face and he buys her some ice cream and a new ribbon, so Switzerland decides to forgive him.

And though she does still call him Mr. Prussia, if he decides to call her little sister from then on, it's his business.

5. **Gender flip Canada**

This actually is apart of the reason that he can't use magic, but France maintains that it is to stay on the list, because he hates it when anything happens to any of his brothers. Even ones that he usually doesn't remember, and no, it doesn't matter that he looked like Velma from Scooby doo.

4. **Make America shut up using only a phone**

In all fairness, America wouldn't shut up about his own little threesome with Mexico and Canada. So what if Prussia had been bragging about The Bad Touch Trio's threesomes before it? He shut the man up, didn't he? He'd just taken the phone out of his pocket, which wasn't even his, and handed it to the blond. How was he supposed to know that it scared France when America didn't talk more than when he did?

"It's for you." He said.

America took the phone happily. "Hello? Hello?" He was silent for a moment before he narrowed his eyes. "Well then. Two can play the quiet game!"

In his defense, silence had never been sweeter.

3. **Make Greece and Turkey cooperate**

Arguments are annoying. They're annoying to the people involved and to the people around. So instead of listening to Greece and Turkey argue over Japan yet again, he just informs them that threesomes are fun. They seem to get the idea, because they drag the Asian man out immediately.

2. **Out-perv France**

France isn't exactly sure what Prussia says, but he knows that it must be absolutely filthy, because it's enough to make Hungary blush. She even passes out. And then for some reason she can't look any of them in the eye anymore and she almost gets a nosebleed just talking to Italy.

1. **Start a motorcycle gang with just him.**

This one is number one for a good reason. When Prussia started this, he was gone all the time, and he never spent time with them, and he was just plain causing trouble all over Europe. Mostly he was pissing off Austria, and the nobleman just would not shut up. And maybe a little bit of it is that their bed is much too big for just two people. Or maybe it just felt that way without his giant ego in the room.

Whatever the reason, they made him stop, and he was confined to the bed for the next week. And despite his present company, most of the time was spent cuddling and showering him in affection that he pretended not to enjoy, even if he treasured every moment.

Maybe they do start a motorcycle gang with just the three of them, but that was fine. For reasons.

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So I did this. I have no idea why. But it's a thing that I did so review so I know that it wasn't stupid.

*Low self esteem*


End file.
